The 3 Fears (Part 2)

This post is a continuation of The 3 Fears (Part 1). Please read that first before you read the following. It’d make more sense.

Fear #2: Fear of Success

You might be thinking, “Wait, why would someone be afraid of success? That doesn’t make sense.”

You’re right, it doesn’t. But it doesn’t make it less of a fear.

Fear of success is when one doesn’t do anything because if they tried and succeeded, they’d be forever separated from the masses … something in which they may not be ready for or really wanted.

For instance, say a young man really, really wanted to be a dancer. But because he’s a guy and all his buddies were into basketball, football, and playing video games, he knew if he told any of them he enjoyed to dance and secretly watched America’s Ballroom Challenge on PBS, his friends would ridicule and forever exile him out of the group.

He may very well be an excellent dancer but if being successful as a dancer meant he would be a failure amongst his circle of friends … he’d rather choose for success amongst his friends and turn his back on his passion for dance. A regrettable decision, as he later realizes in life.

Do choose to follow your heart, no matter if it does exile you from your known comfortable circle of friends. You will make new friends, oftentimes, better ones. Ones that support you in your new journey in life, ones who have been exactly where you are standing and have come out on top, ones who truly are positive influences in your life. These are the friends to keep and cherish. These are the ones who understand.

I Got Dumped On

A very real exiled experience happened to me earlier this year in January. I had been great friends with an old college friend for several years; we even went on a couple of vacations together. We laughed all the time, met up routinely every few months over a meal, shared horror stories of our dating experiences, and basically, had a grand ‘ol time together as friends.

Then one day I received an e-mail from her. With very hurtful comments, she summed up my “odd” behaviors as too strange for her and that she does not want me in her life anymore. These “odd” behaviors are exactly what you read, feel, and sense when you visit Castles in the Air. I believe it to be of passion, intensity, radical-ness, positivity, and of the truth. If this is considered odd for some, so be it. I speak a lot about the power of books and how reading can really change your life for the better.

And in January, I was in the midst of changing my mindset. I still am. But as I was growing, learning, and changing (thus in effect, becoming a different person to this friend of mine), it was very unfamiliar and weird to her. So she decided to cut off the friendship entirely. These things happen. You can’t control it.

But you can continue trekking through the journey of self-discovery. You’re bound to find great things, and lose a couple of bad things along the way.

Do choose to ambitiously set yourself apart from others even if it means you’ll get looked at funny, laughed at, talked about behind your back, ridiculed, exiled, and joked about.

Do you think Everett Bogue of Far Beyond the Stars was laughed at, talked about, and ridiculed when he decided to quit his job and move across the U.S.? You bet. But he did it anyway. Not for the sake of setting himself apart just because he can. But for the sake of he needed to do it for his life. That’s what it would take for him to be happy. And he is. Very much so!

Do you think I’ve received negative comments and e-mails since I’ve started Castles in the Air? You bet! I can’t say I don’t understand why because it actually makes sense. As one strays further and further away from the well-beaten path that the status quo treads, those who are still on the path (and who don’t understand) are outraged at the audacity the person has for doing something unconventional. It’s human nature. What we don’t understand and don’t want to understand, we exile.

Don’t not start something, especially when it comes to your true inner heart’s calling, for fear of success that will inevitably cause you to stand apart from the masses.

Rise, stand up, and be proud of who you are. You have so much potential; don’t hide behind mediocrity.

Fear #3: Fear of Abandonment

This third fear, the fear of abandonment, is a lonely fear. It plays on our heart’s emotions. Young or old, we do not like to be abandoned, by anyone. It is simply not a good feeling.

It can be worse than loneliness. For being lonely is sometimes up to the person him/herself.

But being abandoned … that was not the choice of the person who has been left behind.

Like a child who was running late for her school bus and sees it just ahead on the corner but the driver doesn’t see her, the child is then left behind. (Happened to me a few times when I was young.)

Or more painful, the kid who was picked last for a playful game of dodge ball. (Wait, that happened to me too.)

Finally, when a father abandons his wife and child, never to return home again. (*whew* Thankfully did not happen to me. But very, very sorry for others this has happened to.)

No one wants to be abandoned. But when we set ourselves apart intentionally knowing that others will flee the scene, and yet still remain steadfast and strong despite having others leave you, that is when you are the strongest. That is when you can change the world.

I know what it feels like to be abandoned. I really do. It has left an emotional scar on my heart but with the scar, I grew stronger. I knew I could either wallow in self-pity or jump out of the quicksand that was steadily consuming me whole and I chose to do the latter. For though I could not change some circumstances that have happened in my life, I can change my reaction to it. How I move forward makes all the difference. It can for you as well.

Use these 3 Fears to Your Advantage By:

  • Not thinking about all the what if’s and instead, to trust your heart and just do it.
  • Not listening to others who just want to suck you back into their circle of mediocrity. They hate to see others succeed, especially when it is “one of their own.”
  • Standing firm for what you truly believe in.
  • Not apologizing for how you were made and born to be.
  • Garnering support from those you can trust and who understand.
  • Listening to others’ stories who have been exactly where you are.
  • Not allowing yourself to become crippled under these fears, whether they be real or imaginary.
  • Thinking positively and telling yourself you deserve happiness and you can do it.
  • Aiming high and laying your foundations of your castles in the air. For you were meant to be extraordinary, not just ordinary.

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