Everyone seems to be spilling all over these days. Spilling out of themselves. Guts, pains, fears, insecurities, anger, disrespect, discrimination, pride, ego, you name it, they’re spillin’.
A lot of energies are going this way and that and lately, it seems like many energies have been of the negative kind. I had one woman call in tonight to complain about her food order and was so angry as to use the F word. She picked the right day to call because I was in no mood to entertain anyone for talking like that to me. She was spilling, rambling, nitpicking, just plain angry. Some people are full of anger. It saddens me to see it.
One of our neighbors is an older man who swears and yells like there’s no tomorrow. He will go on and on about money, bills, the home, rent, car, people, etc., and scream it all out (and seemingly to no one — not terribly shocking) until my girlfriend yells “SHUT UP!” outside the window. He quiets down after that. But he is spilling. He is also full of anger. The man does not sound like a happy person or one that likes to dance in the rain when it’s pouring outside.
I was taking a yoga class today and as I glanced around me, I saw so many people struggling. Struggling to get into the pose, struggling to look good while getting into the pose, struggling to breathe, struggling to look as if they’re not struggling. Just let it spill! Right onto your mat. Let it all out there. Who cares?
More often than not these days, I look around at the people milling about, going about their day-to-day, and I think to myself, “Our days are numbered. Are they doing what they have always wanted to do? Are they happy? My days are numbered. Am I happy?” I can answer my own question but I can’t say it’s a positive answer for some people I observe. I can’t say it’s any answer at all simply because I’m not in the other person’s skin.
A patient of my best friend Lesley, who’s a chiropractic doctor, came into the clinic today and they were chatting about how it is difficult to get teaching jobs, as Queenie, Lesley’s younger sister, was having a hard time finding a job teaching second grade. The patient went on to say, “Oh, that’s what I’ve always wanted to do: teach. But I got an office job instead, because you know that pays better, and before you know it, here I am. Not doing what I wanted to do.” Spills infused with a tinge of bittersweet regret.
Some of the people closest to me are spilling. They are working themselves to death, trying to make ends meet, running around until they all but collapse onto their beds exhausted. I know the feeling all too well. I really enjoy good work and am not afraid of getting my hands dirty. In fact, I feel kind of restless if I’m not working (or working on something). Of course, when I do put on my working hat, I can’t seem to stop. Roeper was right in saying to Flynn, “Watch out for that one.” She knows both Flynn and I can be workaholics. Roeper already saw the worker bee in me and though there are many positives in having a partner who hustles, it doesn’t come without its risks and side effects.
These spills are feeling too overwhelming. I see so, so many people walking around with puffy faces, swollen and tired eyes, a limp walk because of the weight they carry on their frame, a defeated vibe. I also see many people who have no consideration of others around them, as if they are the only ones in the entire world. As if they are God. Oh, how these folks frustrate. But you know what? They are also spilling. These spills harm; they don’t help. Like an oil spill in the middle of the ocean, no one benefits. Millions (probably billions if you count the microscopic critters) of sea creatures and animals are the very unfortunate causalities of such a catastrophic spill. One moment they are swimming along, doing what little sea creatures do, and the next moment, they suffocated and could no longer breathe. That was it.
We are those sea creatures. But rather than an external spill happening to us, the spill is an internal one happening in us. We are overflowing and many times, it’s not the unicorns and rainbows that make up an idyllic dream. It’s the raw stuff coming out. Like the pus oozing out from an untreated, infected wound. Like the salty tears sliding down one’s cheek. Like the snot that runs down your nose when you’ve been crying pretty hard. Like the beat of your heart racing, your blood boiling, when you’re on guard or someone has ruffled your feathers one too many times. Like the intense throb in your knuckles from punching the wall because you got so upset. Or when it feels like the last straw.
Pema would say to embrace it all. To invite groundlessness in. To be alright with the state of things, exactly as they are and what they are. If there is no ground, the spills would have no place to fall upon. They’d simply float about, forever suspended.
Our bodies obey the law of gravity here on planet Earth. Our physical selves have a place to fall upon. But our inner selves experience groundlessness. That’s why some things that have happened two decades ago can still haunt us to this day. Our spills, and others’ spills, float about and intertwine. We don’t necessarily like it but maybe some of us invite these spills in. We invite them in because we spill over so many times every single day.
I want to tell people that it’s okay to feel like shit sometimes. But to walk around and treat others like how you feel inside? Not okay. Like Flynn said to me, “Not everyone can handle their shit well.” By all means, don’t hold it all inside and let it stew. Find a way to release your pains that doesn’t hurt every person you cross paths with. Yoga is wonderful for this and I’m not saying this just because. It really is. Go to the back of the room if you need to, off to a corner, sit on your mat, close your eyes, and start to breathe it out. Those spills have to go somewhere; they can’t all stay within.
I’m turning 28 this Sunday, August 12. I’m happy to say that I have grown a lot this past year. I’m happy to have made so many new friends all over the world. I’m happy to have journeyed deeper within myself, to allow truth to seep deeper within my very being. I’m happy to have such deep love, to experience love, to be in love. I’m happy for my personal health, for the many opportunities and exciting adventures, for the abundance that is really everywhere when one looks for it. I’m just really happy to have this life and to be able to live it the best I can, every single day I am here.
It would delight me, for my birthday, if you could support my work by purchasing a copy of Truth. If you already did, maybe get one for a friend, relative, or coworker! Thank you so much.
Spills or no spills, forward we move and onward to adventure, life, love, Truth …