Many writers are often troubled by the scratching, nagging itch at the back of their minds that they must write something, something must be created, for the audience / publisher / agent / editor / readership is waiting! So they scramble to churn something out, creating self-imposed deadlines if one wasn’t already created for them, attempting to merge wittiness with cleverness with intelligence with smartness with catchiness with likability. All in one neatly edited and perfected package of words.

I think there’s a fundamental flaw in this approach. To force creation, to put pressure upon art, to exact an end product or piece by a specific date, has several drawbacks.

Understandably, there are vehicles in this world that simply do not operate without a deadline enforced. Nothing would get done otherwise. Magazines, editorials, newspapers, the TV news station, the weather report, Sunday comics and sales ads, these are just some of the classic examples of media that require deadlines in order to operate properly.

But, what is proper? Has anyone asked this question lately? What is proper isn’t always what has been done in the past. Tradition does not, or at least, should not, necessarily pass down from generation to generation without the required questions of why? and is it essential?

I think when we forget to ask those questions, we stray further away from our best selves, our highest potential, our greatest works of art, that brilliant piece of writing that will shake people to their very core for years to come.

The next time there’s an itch to be scratched, let us ask first, where did this itch come from?

Money is a form of pleasure, like food, sex and drink can be too. But taken too far and abused, it is ever destructive and all-consuming.

Pleasure is such a wonderful feeling. The delight of finishing a race, cooking a fine meal, building something from scratch, getting that promotion, marrying the person of your dreams, pleasure is sure to be a positive thing. But I’ve known many people, myself included, that take or have taken pleasure only to turn it around against ourselves. Instead of being happy with what we’ve accomplished and where we’re at, we instead loathe the shortcomings and nit-pick at the little faults found. Instead of practicing contentment, we practice impatience with a short fuse, anxious to get to the next level. Instead of simply being joyful of all that we have already experienced in life, we focus on the misgivings, how it could’ve been better, what we should’ve done. Pleasure evaporates and we are left with repulsiveness in its place.

Nothing outside ourselves will ever create peace within. Pleasure does not reside in external factors, though we can certainly derive joy from the outer world. The sun’s shining on a warm, breezy day; the scrumptious homemade meal you just made for yourself and a close friend; the slow and purposeful walk in nature spent in quiet solitude and contemplation; the gratefulness of finishing a long, hard run; all these things we can experience pleasure from. But are they the actual source of pleasure? I don’t believe they are.

When we confuse external situations, people and achievements with pleasure itself, I think that is when we miss the point. We’ll always be chasing the next big thing, the next huge rush, all our lives.

Read countless blogs, articles, diaries and journal entries of folks past and present and you can find similarities. Some similarities include the chasing of whatever is next on their hit list. To be sure, the act of doing one thing just to move onto the next is exactly what the person may want and is happy to be doing. If they stand still even for a moment, they feel uneasy.

But do we ever stop to ponder what all this chasing entails? It takes immense life energy, time and resources to chase, chase, chase. I know, because I’ve done this much of my life. Chasing one adventure, moving onto another, chasing one job, moving onto another, chasing one person, moving onto another … the cycle is perpetual — until I stop it and become aware of my actions and motives behind such actions.

Perhaps that’s what we need to do. Rather than chase, become aware of the actions and the motives behind them. Rather than seek pleasure, be pleasure. Be what you want. Acquiring means you’ll have to lose it one day. Being means you simply are, as you are right at this moment. To me, this is true pleasure.

**

I’m really starting to realize the annoying behaviors I had been cultivating and broadcasting, like a proud peacock walking about with feathers upright, wanting everyone to see its abounding prettiness.

For instance, take my first two ebooks, The Radical Minimalist and Bitch, Please! To be sure, these books have helped thousands of folks since their launch and many more still who have passed it along to family, friends or colleagues. The Radical Minimalist was written during a time in my life (2010) when I eschewed everything and everyone around me because I was fed up with materialism, overt consumerism, and people’s judgments of how a proper life should be lived. Bitch, Please! was written during a time (2011) when I was openly exploring my sexuality, my femininity, my role in modern society. It carries an air of egotism, plastered with young naiveté. I sometimes skim through these books that I have written from my past self, a self who continually evolves every waking day, and ask myself, I really sounded like that? Ego is everywhere and in some of my past writings on Castles in the Air. And I shake my head in disgruntlement, to have noticed my own flaws, horrid as they may be. I’m not saying I’m wiser now, but I have observed these things about myself.

**

Have you ever noticed how many people think they know what you should do? Whether you’re asking for advice (which then you are inviting them to share their opinion so you can’t blame them for sharing if you didn’t want to hear it in the first place), or they’re giving you unsolicited feedback, or you’re just sharing with them a story in which you just want someone who’ll listen to you, many folks are quick to put in their two cents. And why not? That’s often how we help each other, bounce ideas back and forth, express our empathy and support, to be there for the other person.

Log onto any umpteen streams of social media and you shall see the ego at work, doing what it does best. Advice is offered without us asking for it, some fantastically timeless, some horrendously judgmental.

Today, I came across a tweet from one of my friends who applauded Starbucks for standing by its support of same-sex marriage as a “core to who we are and what we value as a company.” (Good for her.) A website called Dump Starbucks is collecting pledges from people who abhor same-sex marriage and who believe it to be a violation of the preservation of marriage between one man and one woman.

Obviously, this hits a very close chord with me as a gay woman. I don’t think who I am is an abomination for I am made to be love and to love just like everyone else out there. I am not only female, but also Asian and gay. This puts me into a very small group of women in the world. But just because I am not like the majority, and the majority are openly heterosexual, does not mean that is the only way to love. I think it’s because people don’t even think it is an option, to be in love with another person of the same sex. When people grow up thinking everyone is right-handed and a left-handed person comes along, something is strange, weird or wrong with him. Obviously, we don’t think like that now and chuckle at how ignorant we were, but it was very real once upon a time not too long ago. I can only imagine in another hundred years or so, how the term “gay” today won’t really be “gay” anymore. How it’ll just be sweet, human love. Our egos play into this issue, certainly. For some, to see others live another way of life (think sexuality, religion, politics, anything controversial or deals with fundamentalism, morals and ethics) is to have their own way of life come into question, and that most definitely deals with the ego.

**

Last week, my mother was describing how some of her peers, after inquiring how her daughter was doing, scoffed at the fact that I went to India to study Yoga. They thought I went to India for business, as in, I must be working for a nice corporate company and they sent me there for business purposes.

“She’s a Yoga teacher now,” my mom would say proudly.

Eyes avert away, a heavy air of pompousness and distaste arises.

What their body language is telling her is, “Hmpf, what a waste. My son is a lawyer. My daughter is a doctor. At least they’re doing something worthwhile in life. They’re actually helping society.”

I held my mom’s hand and reassured her to not let these people hurt her so. That they only have the power to hurt her if she allows them to hurt her.

“Are these lawyers and doctors happy and healthy, Mom? Are they? They may make a lot more money than I but your daughter is really at peace in her life. Can they say the same for themselves?”

I don’t feel angry with these folks but what I do feel is sadness for them. They have let their egos and pride fuel their interactions with other people in the world. Instead of developing close relationships with people, they are, in fact, repelling and rejecting them. They are not helping society; they are harming the very people they think they are helping.

**

Increasingly, I am noticing traits of people who believe they have the answer, the “secret,” if you will. I notice these traits because I have embodied them quite proudly in the past few years and am now really taking a step back to a calmer place, a place of quiet introspection and personal experience rather than the universal know-it-all-listen-to-me-this-is-what-you-should-do stance. The work on the self is a continual one, one that shall never cease, for it is a constant battle with the ego.

Everything we struggle with when it comes to cockiness, I-know-everything attitudes, external validations, boastfulness and over-the-top pride, stem from our ego. Our ego is a wily beast, one that I, and millions of others, struggle with every single day.

It is more destructive and prominent than the spread of cancer upon the body. It is more disastrous than any virus, past or present. It is more crippling than any infection or catastrophe. Whereas disease can only destroy the physical body once, disease of the mind and spirit can be ever continual.

Nature has a way to repair herself. She finds balance in the imbalance. Whereas we see things as disproportionate or savage (like hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and tsunamis), it is actually a delicate thread Nature is weaving in order to right things in the world. But unlike these natural disasters, the subtle body (the mind and spirit) doesn’t just right itself on its own. It requires our active participation and full consciousness.

It is a subtle battle, one that isn’t always obvious. One would think the ego would be obvious, because the ego wants to be obvious, right? The ego wouldn’t be fed if no one knew about it! But that’s the thing. The ego lies within our supreme self and emanates from inside. Therefore, our external actions, nuances, personalities, viewpoints, lifestyles and such, are by-products of ego. Of course, not everything is from ego because that is egotistical to assume such a thing! But it isn’t too far from the truth.

I think I’ll start with myself. That’s the only way to start, anyhow. If I can’t help myself, nothing I think, say or do will make much difference for others because it wouldn’t be the truth radiating from within.

Like the classic game of Pong, the questions bounce back and forth. It’s alright if you don’t hit the ball; just start again!

I think that as we grow up, we let society impede upon our spirit of inquiry, or that we feel we should be mature adults now that we’re all grown up. But who says mature adults can’t ask questions, as silly and crazy as they may be?

I don’t think anyone ever said we should stop our natural inquisitiveness we had when we were children. We just believed we’re supposed to, by watching others and learning how we ought to behave and how life ought to be. Imitation is helpful but only to the extent we’ve outgrown its usefulness in our lives.

Maybe we need to watch children, observe their behaviors, their playfulness and effortless wonder for the world, in order to remind ourselves that it’s okay to ask questions. Really, it’s okay.

Apple harnessed the aesthetic appeal of minimalism to its advantage, and the company exploded (in the good ways metaphorical explosions are).

Minimalism, as a concept, design, idea, tool, lifestyle, all boils down to learning how to identify: what is essential? and what is not?

That’s really it, in the end.

Well, apart from the word being an interesting thing to read, I find it to be quite prevalent in society today. As one ages, even if the person is in their late twenties or mid-thirties, it is like there is a giant, red panic button that all of a sudden gets pressed. Those who feel they should get married rush to find a suitable mate, not necessarily the best partner, but someone who is … acceptable. Those who feel they should be moving up in their career scramble to pitch the brightest ideas to the higher ups, put in longer hours, work harder, faster, stronger, smarter. Those who feel they should have accomplished their to-have-accomplished-by-the-time-I’m-40 checklist, dash around like the Mad Hatter squeezing the final projects, experiences or things to have learned, right before the clock strikes midnight and into their birthday.

Sometimes, though, the shoe doesn’t fit and the story doesn’t always end the way we want it to. This doesn’t mean we’ve lost our opportunity to be someone, to have made an impact in this world, to have loved fearlessly, to be loved wholly. Not doing this and that on our arbitrary list of what makes us feel as if we are worthy does not mean we are failures. Does not mean we have missed the boat. Does not mean we are a nobody.

If you are in this world, you are a somebody. You are you. And that is one of the most precious things I, you, the world, could ever ask for. This life, your real opportunity, you’re already living. So don’t worry about things too much. You’re already seizing your opportunity, simply by being here, just the way you are.

There are other cultures where it is appropriate to hassle and shout and much less argue, verbal assault, really, with a shopkeeper for a bargain at the marketplace. All to walk away having done business with them. The Asian cultures, for instance, is but one of many.

Having traveled quite a bit, I’ve not only seen, but experienced, what it’s like to be the foreigner immersed in a specific culture. It’s intoxicating, really.

It propels me into a state of sublime wonder and genuine appreciation. That out of all these billions of people on Earth, I am but one person amongst many other persons of varying skin color, language, orientation, gender, age, abilities, personalities, likes and dislikes, all trying to make sense out of this world we live in, and the other habitants who are likewise doing the same thing.

We’re all doing the same thing, in the end. We’re all trying to answer the deep eternal questions of Who am I? and Why am I here? whether or not we consciously ask these questions to ourselves or not.

In the end, we are just trying to find out what is real.

What one man desires of this world, another man rejects. Both inclinations are within all of us; we simply choose which one we’d personally like to adopt.

Rather than trying to live one way or the other, perhaps we should adopt the mentality that we weren’t made to be perfect, for perfection is only cultivated and shaped by what we imagine perfect to be.

What if we were already perfect, as we are right now? What if perfect wasn’t really perfect, in our eyes and perception, but just as is? Our flaws no longer become flaws. Likewise, our inherent goodness no longer remains inherent goodness. Everything just is, as it were.

I think there’s real peace in this.

Why is this?

I don’t consider writing as work. I don’t consider responding to people’s emails, interview questions, guest contributions and other queries as work. I don’t consider crafting a well-thought out Yoga class plan as work. I don’t consider spending my time, energy and attention to teaching others and myself the practice of Yoga as work.

In actuality, nowadays I don’t consider much anything in my life as work. It’s all fun for me, all things I enjoy, or don’t mind doing to some degree. Paying my credit card bill, this must be considered not as fun, right? Well, it’s not not fun, it just is. It’s maintenance, it’s financial self-responsibility, it’s ensuring I spend less than what I earn and that which I spend money on, is what is essential in my life. Any activity can be considered fun; it’s all in our attitude towards it.

Travels in the world are essential to me, so I make sure I have enough money to live off of when I travel. Yoga classes, workshops, books and materials that enhance my practice and help me help others are essential in my life. So I make sure I set aside enough funds for this. Everything else is just basic necessities for modern human living. My laptop for writing, storing photos and a small library of ebooks, music and access to Internet is one tool. Another is a plain but well-made notebook, a physical journal where I can jot notes down, doodle, make lists, and other random things. A quality backpack where I live out of and all things I own go in is yet another tool.

I’m enjoying life and when I enjoy life, even “mundane” things can be spent in pure bliss. Happiness is not a destination, it is a state of mind. Work is not considered work, as in it’s hard, hard on the body/mind/soul, and that which takes away from your real passions. Your passions become everything, there is no differentiation; work is no longer considered a necessary evil; everyday is a celebration of life itself.

Going out and buying toothpaste isn’t a chore; it’s fun. It’s fun because everyday is funday. Why reserve just the weekends in order to let go, relax, enjoy life? Why reserve two weeks out of a whole year in order to go on vacation or holiday? Everyday can be a vacation, everyday can be a holiday.

Which brings me to the next point: I no longer take a vacation.

Why? Aren’t vacations fun? Sure, of course they are, but the thing with vacations and holidays is it always has to end.

Having worked in large corporations for a number of years, I used to take time off for short vacations. Inevitably, even before the vacation really got a chance to take off, I couldn’t fully enjoy myself because I knew there was always an end date and the time was ticking. Four days in the Bahamas weren’t enough. I wanted a whole month. Why couldn’t I? Because I’d come back to no job, that’s why. This was what happened, time and time again, until the day I chose to opt out of this cycle that no longer served me and made me happy.

As a traveler, people I meet along the way ask if I’m on holiday. In a way I am, in a way I’m not. I am in the aspect that my holiday is my life; it simply is extended all the way into the foreseeable future. The bonus is, I chose this for myself and made decisions and took actions that got me to a place where I can live freely with no agenda, no schedule, no calendar, no obligation but to honor life and be human. I’m not on holiday, the traditional holiday most people think of, because everyday is free, everyday is amazing, everyday is bursting with beautiful, glorious life. There is no end date, only a start date.

When I take a bath or shower, I take it without rushing to finish. I let the warm beads of water rain upon my head and body, really savoring the invigorating contact against my skin. When I eat fresh fruits, I really enjoy the multiple sensations I experience when I take those bites. Sweet, juicy watermelons, refreshing fresh squeezed orange juice, thirst-quenching coconut water, tender light lychees, garden-fresh crisp pears and apples, succulent ripe mangoes. These are the bright fruits from nature, these are the bold colors of the rainbow all within easy reach, all in the palm of our hands. When I unroll my mat for Yoga, I unroll with awareness. I place it on the ground not with mad force and hurriedness, but with gentleness and appreciation for the time, place and energy to have my practice at that moment. When I read a book, I really read it, going over key parts, phrases and words in the book that shout out to me, tug at my heartstrings, makes me think twice, three times, four times, a dozen times. I no longer want to breeze through books, trying hard to make it through so I can internally checklist it off my unending list of books I want to read in my lifetime. It no longer is the number I care about but what I take from the books that I read which matter most to me. Does it grow me, challenge me, make me ponder? Does it make me laugh, provide a new perspective which I hadn’t seen before, make me cry because of its raw humanness as represented within the characters in the pages before me? Does it do anything for me than repeat things I have already learned and heard of before? Does it?

I used to hurry through showers in order to do X number of things before heading out of my apartment and into rush hour traffic, strong coffee in hand, the sun not even out yet, sleepy birds still slumbering, so I could get to work bright and early and get a jump start. But my day already had a jump start the moment I started rushing through life itself.

I used to shovel foods and slam drinks down my throat in order to maximize my time and efficiency, so that I could get back to work, or more likely, I was working and eating at the same time. But what did this maximization do for me other than make me terribly stressed, frazzled, hurried?

Sometimes I would drop my mat on the floor, disgruntled or just plain tired, and let it half unroll by itself. Then I would fix it so that it’s even according to the classroom layout, sit or kneel down on the mat, and close my eyes. I would try to breathe; simply breathing was enough for me on those days. Breathing is still enough for me these days, and combined with gentle self-compassion with my Yoga practice, I day-by-day grow closer to myself, cultivating that very important relationship and self-love.

I used to blaze through books, keeping a numbered list in my journal of all the books I had read that year, feeling damn proud that I had gotten through X number of books in this amount of time. But what did this trampling through books do for me than just to feed my insatiable ego and swell up the feeling of being smart?

Some folks say they will start a new life in a few months, next year, before they turn 35, etc. I say if you want to start a new life, don’t forsake the one you have right now. In front of you is myriad possibilities and opportunities. No days are less important than others. No days are wasted because everyday is beautiful and full and free. Life is right here, right now, wherever you are, however you are feeling, whatever you are doing.

You want a new life? You can have it because you already do have it. You have this. You are this.

Slump into your chair, shoulders bent forward, chest caving in, and you’ll start to feel one or more of a few emotions: melancholiness, introversion, quietness, humility, surrender, introspection, apathy. Straighten your back, shoulders away from your ears, chest up and out, and you’ll start to feel one or more of a few emotions: expansiveness, extroversion, excitement, pride, control, confidence, action.

Is one better than the other? It’s subjective, for what are we specifically speaking about? Are we considering the anatomical nature of each body posture? What about the physiological comparisons? And what of the psychic and mental variations?

Yoga is the art and science of feeling, a complete system of human development. It is about the deep, subtle connection with the self. A truly intimate connection, one that transcends fickle emotions and sensorial projections.

What are we connecting? It is beyond body-breath-mind. It is experiential, transcendental, an existential connection that lasts long after our bodies age and wither. This is what we are after in Yoga. It’s not simply body postures, and it won’t ever be the end-all-be-all of honestly being in balance with oneself.

Go beyond the postures; go for that which lasts.